An Open Letter to American "Chef's"

To the so called "Chef's" of America,

The world is shrinking. The advent of modern transportation and communication technologies has promoted a global exchange of ideas and philosophies that has never existed before. Nowhere is this more evident than on the dinner table; as flavors, spices, and methods from around the globe begin to meld in pots, skillets, and wok's across the country.

While these new ideas may be seen by some as an opportunity to expand ones tool set and abilities, it is important to remember that with great power comes great responsibility. We cannot, as Americans, use our knowledge of international food culture as an opportunity to mock and openly insult the lesser nations of the world community.

David "P.F" Chang isn't Laughing.

It is therefore particularly disturbing to me to find that a growing trend in the American Culinary world is a disturbing sub-set of styles known as "Asian-Fusion", a style of cooking designed clearly to mock and humiliate the people of Japan as they struggle with horrors of their recent tragedy; the meltdown of the Fukushima Fusion Nuclear Reactor. Upon investigation, I have found that several American Chef's from all across the country have featured this abhorrent style prominently, alienating Asian-American eater's across the globe.


It is therefore that I, Chef Will, What About Food, and our affiliates ask you "Chefs" across the country to put up your Pickled Onion, dispose of your Baby Bok Choy, and throw away your Steamed Buns. It is time now more than ever to show solidarity with the Asian Culinary Community. There is blood on your whites, and it's glowing green.


If we all work together, we can put an end to the mock-cuisine that is "Asian-Fusion". It's time to send a message to American Chef's that we will not tolerate this level of hatred and racism in the kitchen.

That being said, I am pleased to present my take on a classic recipe that Julia Child published shortly after the bombing of Nagasaki:


Chef Will's Three-Eyed Peking Duck:

• 1 (5-Pound) Duck
• 6 Cups Water
• 2 Tablespoons Honey
• 2 Tablespoons Dry Sherry
• 3 Tablespoons Polonium 210
• 1/2 Cup Hoisin Sauce

-Irradiate Duck for no less than 48 hours.

-Combine remaining ingredients in Wok or large skillet.

-Simmer Duck over low heat for 20-25 minutes (lead apron may be desirable)

CRAB WEEK CANCELLED

It is with hung heads and heavy hearts that we at What About Food must report this. It has come to our attention that CRAB WEEK, BOSTON!, the most sacred and revered of Crab-related festivals has been cancelled once again. Early reports are that up to 27 people have taken ill after consuming some allegedly tainted Crab at Tito's Crab Shack. The Crab in question were said to have been Tito's famous Pickled Crabs. It is therefore that What About Food's lawyers have instructed us to begrudgingly suggest that our readers refrain from consuming any crabs, pickled or otherwise, until further notice.

Don't eat those crabs!

It has also come to our attention recently that PETA has blacklisted Tito's Crab Shack for their tradition of pickling their Crabs while still alive, and the World Wildlife Foundation has informed us that the North Atlantic Pickling Crab (the very crab served at Tito's) are an endangered species, and harvesting, selling, or consuming them is punishable by law.

IT'S CRAB WEEK!!!!

It's time once again for all Bostonians to revel in crustacean joy! The long awaited and highly anticipated Crab Week Boston is once again upon us! As tradition holds, the second Monday in April marks the great migration of the many Crab species of the North Atlantic coast. So dawn your Crab-Hats, decorative claws, and chum those waters, because all this week we here at What About Food will be bringing you the best Crab-Related news on (or in) the Net. We'll be taking a look at some local Crab Dealers and Crab Enthusiasts, sharing a few Crab based recipes, and even confronting some of Boston's Crab-Phobic history. So buckle in, this week is going to be Crab-Tastic!

Spotlight on Cheese: OMP Canine Camembert

OldMossyPooch, Flatshill, VT

Today we're going to take a look at a classic creation from one of our sponsors, Old Mossy Pooch Canine Creamery. OMP (Flatshill, VT) has been an organic, family owned Canine Creamery for over 35 years. Among their award winning artisansal cheeses is their Canine Camembert, a bloomy rhined mix of Boarder Collie and Boston Terrier's milk.

At first impression, this cheese presents the bold, canine aroma that has become synonymous with Old Mossy Pooch. The Collie, fed an exclusively IAMS diet, provides notes of oak and kibbel. The Boston Terrier's are frequently used as 'fetch dogs' and their lean build contributes to the richness expressed through their milk.

Canine Camembert becomes runny at room temperature. Woof.

OMP recommends pairing of their Canine Camembert with oaky white wines, Chardonnay's in particular. I would recommend serving with a rabbit terrine, as the dogs at OMP are often allowed to chase wild game on their open "cage free" reserve. The Camembert is wrapped in rawhide strips that have been used recreationally by the dogs. Attention to flavor has made Old Mossy Pooch a staple among Vermont's finest creameries.

Old Mossy Pooch is currently only distributing throughout New England, although they can be contacted through their website about special orders. Check back with us frequently to see what else Old Mossy Pooch has in store!

Food Ghost Review #1

Today What About Food is proud to present the first in a series of local restaurant reviews. Our review service, Food Ghost, is comprised of some of the finest food critics in the greater Boston area. Food Ghost's reviewers have trained tirelessly at the Food Critic's Institute of America in order to provide our readers with the most comprehensive and in depth scoop on some of Boston's most exciting new restaurants.

Today Food Ghost takes a look at a hip new brunch place located right in the heart of Boston's Financial District.

Finagle a Bagel is no stranger to the exciting world of cafe style brunch establishments. Owner Martin Chone claims to have "several establishments" under his belt already. In fact, Finagle's website lists a number of "sister" restaurants all over the Boston area, all as underground and industry friendly as their Financial District location.

I must have just missed the lunch crowd, because there was hardly anyone in the establishment when I visited at 5:00PM. I was told by host over the phone that they did not take reservations (I assume it's a weekend thing). The restaurant provided ample seating, and an atmosphere that one might describe as assertive, without being pushy.

The counter service was pleasant and prompt. I was informed that they were currently out of Cinnamon Raison bagels. This was fine with me, as I am severely, severely allergic to cinnamon. I opted for the Plain Bagel instead, to get a look at the chef's take on this breakfast classic. I opted for the pairing of Plain Bagel and Butter. I inquired, and was told that both ketchup and mustard are indeed available upon request.

Finagle's beverage menu includes a slew of exciting Coca-Cola products, as well a variety of Coffee (both regular and decaf are available). I found both the men's and women's bathrooms to be fairly clean.

Because of their combination of reasonably priced, progressive urban breakfast foods and upbeat atmosphere, I give Finagle a Bagel four out of five spooks. This trendy spot is sure to become a staple of the Financial District for any young urban professional!

Best of Boston 2012

The time has come once again for What About Food's yearly Best of Boston Award post! In association with Food Ghost, What About Food has scoured Boston for the Best of the Best. We now proudly present to you the winners of What About Food's Best of Boston 2012!



Best Beans 2012
Restaurant: Ben's Beans
Location: Catch Square, Boston
Dish: Large Beans
Chef: Ben Wallows

Notes: Ben's Beans has since been shut down for Health Code violations.

Best and Biggest 2012

Restaurant: Hondo

Location: 45th and 9

Dish: Extra Large Nachos

Chef: Tuckers Smith

Notes: It is the large nacho chips for which this award is given, not the size of the dish itself. The dish is comprised of two incredibly large nacho chips and was not filling. 

Best Bread 2012
Restaurant: The Wholly Grain
Location: Mann's Market
Dish: Bread (complimentary)
Chef: Mitch
Notes: The Wholly Grain is an all natural, all whole grain bakery
specializing in whole natural all whole grain wheats and grains.


Best Broast 2012

Restaurant: TinTin on Main
Location: Main Street
Dish: French Broast
Chef: Lance Bast
Notes: TinTin on Main is the newest in Brabara Broach's restaurant group, which includes Fanble's Four and DJORMA.


Best Barn 2012

Restaurant: The Good Barn
Location: Oldsmith Ave.
Dish: Ploughman's Trough
Chef: Whitty Jones
Notes: The Good Barn is accessible by horse trail only.


Best Bowls 2012

Restaurant: S'louche
Location: 44'd and Fourth
Dish: (N/A, award is for bowls)
Chef: Zeke Smith
Notes: Chef Zeke has a keen eye for cookware; his restaurant features
100% polystyrene plates and bowls, most of which are square.


Best Drive-Through 2012

Restaurant: Starbuck's
Location: Boyleston Street
Dish: Vinte Trente Macchiato Lupe
Chef: Mike S.
Notes: My name was mis-spelled on the cup.


Best Beach Shack 2012

Restaurant: Tito's Crab Shack
Location: Wonderland Beach
Dish: "Crab" Cakes
Chef: Tito Puente
Notes: Be sure to check out our expose on Tito's Crab Shack
during next week's Boston Crab Week series!



A big congratulations to all of this year's winners!

Winners may collect their prizes from What About Food headquarters, 622 Wharf Street, North Boston, MA. 3rd dock from the right, ask for "Tang".

Asparagus: Friend or Foe?

Friend or Foe!?

Today we take a look at one of America's most historically controversial vegetables, Asparagus!


Hailed by some for its healing properties, and despised by others for its racially sensitive history, this vegetable has arguably done more to shape the history of this nation than any other.

Gaius Octavius Asparagus (130-170AD)

Let us first take a look at the history of this controversial crop. The first recorded use of Asparagus comes from the first century AD. It was, of course, named for the great Roman Emperor Gaius Octavious Asparagus, who took to wearing the vegetable as a garland around his head. It was recorded in the histories of Gaul that the "Green Horned Conqueror from the South was surely sent by from the Devil's own garden...". It was not until the Emperor was defeated at the Battle of Brussels that the official garland of the Roman Empire was changed.

Today, Americans are more familiar with Asparagus as the primary "cash crop" of the American South during the 19th century. As a result, Asparagus is often associated with the horrors of slave labor. Countless pieces of American literature recount the horrors associated with the harvest of the pointy green legumes.

"From dawn to dusk the negros toiled, hand over hand plucking the Asparagii from the ground. Their bloodied hands stained the fields red, as the pointed spears of Asparagus punctured their palms over and over again." -U.P.N. DuBois

Immuni-licious!

The vegetable is not immune to criticism in modern times either. A staggering increase in Asparagus consumption in young Americans is now believed to have links to the ever increasing rates of Aspargers Syndrome. To help illustrate the horror and severity of these figures, I have provided a fun new recipe for Summer barbecues:

Chef's Will's Asp-burgers

• 1 1/2 pounds ground asparagus (80 percent lean)
• Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 1 1/2 tablespoons canola oil
• 3 tbps tumeric
• 4 slices cheese (optional)
• 4 hamburger buns (split if desired)

And so, the next time you bite into one of Mom's Asparagus Delights this Christmas, remember the controversy, and those who gave their lives to bring this contestable crop to your dinner table! And don't spare the Asparagus!**.



**What About Food and Chef Will do not advocate under any conditions consuming or selling Asparagus as an edible product. The FDA and CDC have listed Asparagus as a Schedule 1 Vegetable, barring it from human consumption under any conditions for its links to statistically increase the consumers chance of contracting Aspargers Syndrome. What About Food, Chef Will and all subsidiaries hereby absolve themselves of all responsibility for the reader's wellbeing as a result of consuming Asparagus.