Asparagus: Friend or Foe?

Friend or Foe!?

Today we take a look at one of America's most historically controversial vegetables, Asparagus!


Hailed by some for its healing properties, and despised by others for its racially sensitive history, this vegetable has arguably done more to shape the history of this nation than any other.

Gaius Octavius Asparagus (130-170AD)

Let us first take a look at the history of this controversial crop. The first recorded use of Asparagus comes from the first century AD. It was, of course, named for the great Roman Emperor Gaius Octavious Asparagus, who took to wearing the vegetable as a garland around his head. It was recorded in the histories of Gaul that the "Green Horned Conqueror from the South was surely sent by from the Devil's own garden...". It was not until the Emperor was defeated at the Battle of Brussels that the official garland of the Roman Empire was changed.

Today, Americans are more familiar with Asparagus as the primary "cash crop" of the American South during the 19th century. As a result, Asparagus is often associated with the horrors of slave labor. Countless pieces of American literature recount the horrors associated with the harvest of the pointy green legumes.

"From dawn to dusk the negros toiled, hand over hand plucking the Asparagii from the ground. Their bloodied hands stained the fields red, as the pointed spears of Asparagus punctured their palms over and over again." -U.P.N. DuBois

Immuni-licious!

The vegetable is not immune to criticism in modern times either. A staggering increase in Asparagus consumption in young Americans is now believed to have links to the ever increasing rates of Aspargers Syndrome. To help illustrate the horror and severity of these figures, I have provided a fun new recipe for Summer barbecues:

Chef's Will's Asp-burgers

• 1 1/2 pounds ground asparagus (80 percent lean)
• Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 1 1/2 tablespoons canola oil
• 3 tbps tumeric
• 4 slices cheese (optional)
• 4 hamburger buns (split if desired)

And so, the next time you bite into one of Mom's Asparagus Delights this Christmas, remember the controversy, and those who gave their lives to bring this contestable crop to your dinner table! And don't spare the Asparagus!**.



**What About Food and Chef Will do not advocate under any conditions consuming or selling Asparagus as an edible product. The FDA and CDC have listed Asparagus as a Schedule 1 Vegetable, barring it from human consumption under any conditions for its links to statistically increase the consumers chance of contracting Aspargers Syndrome. What About Food, Chef Will and all subsidiaries hereby absolve themselves of all responsibility for the reader's wellbeing as a result of consuming Asparagus.